A Hard Lesson Learned *LOAD 2/14*
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Poster:
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mommyribs
(see this users gallery)
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Views:
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674
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Date:
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Sun Feb 18, 2007
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Filesize:
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60.0k, 186.5k
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Dimensions:
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1316 x 669
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Description:
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This is actually a LO that I did over...I wasn't happy with the previous journaling so I just did it over again. I was also challenged to do a LO that was all about the journaling so this was it.
Journaling reads:
A hard lesson learned…
Through my child eyes, my father was like a superhero. I used to think he looked a lot like Captain James T. Kirk of the USS Enterprise. He was larger than life to me. He and my mother divorced when I was very young – about 3 or 4 years old – and he lived in PA while we lived in FL. I never really got to see him very often and we never had what you would call a traditional father-daughter relationship – but it was nice nonetheless, and I can remember having fun with him.
Unfortunately, things changed when I was about 18 years old - we had a very big falling out. We both said some terrible things and didn’t speak again for about 3 years. One day though, out of the blue, he called to tell me he was moving to FL and was hoping we could try again and rebuild our relationship. All too quickly though, things went sour again and then suddenly he was gone – just left town without saying a word – to anyone apparently. No one knew where he was for years.
I did track him down once, just before I got married but I was too afraid to call him, and so my mother made the call for me. From what she had to tell me after her conversation with him, it seemed he wanted nothing to do with me any longer and so I just left it at that.
A year or two later he showed up at my Aunt Barbara’s home in PA and she gave him pictures of me and my family and also my phone number. As far as I know he tried calling once, collect, and I wasn’t home to accept the charges. He left no number or address with my aunt and so I had no way to call him back and it would seem he never tried to call again. Once again, I just had to leave it at that.
It was April 2003 when I received a call telling me my father was gravely ill in a hospital in PA. I wasn’t sure what to do, what to say, how to react?! It had been 10 years since we had spoken last! I was trying to explain to the doctor on the phone that I was in Seattle and couldn’t just get to the hospital in PA and that quite frankly I really wasn’t sure my father would want to talk to me or even want me to know he was in the hospital. When I called back later that day, the nurse informed me that my father had been waiting for my call and wanted to talk to me. I was surprised and scared at the same time. He was like a stranger to me at this point.
My heart skipped a beat when I heard his familiar voice on the line telling me how proud he was of me and that I had a beautiful family. He was so happy for me that I had married such a nice man and had been so blessed with 2 beautiful babies. Our conversation was too short. I didn’t want to hang up. I think I would have just been content to stay on the line and not say anything. He was so tired and so weak and asked if it would be rude if he hung up and I told him it would be fine. I asked if I could call again later and he said to wait a day or so. Before we hung up he just said that everything was going to be okay now. He passed away less than 24 hours later on April 30, 2003.
I was absolutely heartbroken and wracked with guilt at all the time we had lost. I kept thinking that maybe I should have made a better effort over the years or maybe even called him myself instead of having my mother call before I got married. Shortly after his passing I learned a few things about him I never knew. He apparently had quite a few friends and was working as a manager at a local Burger King. He had been telling people there about his daughter and grandkids in Seattle and that he was hoping to get to see us. He was even a hero of sorts – he had helped to get quite a few people out of the building he was living in when it caught on fire. I was hearing so many nice things about him and I was glad, but at the same time I felt so cheated that neither one of us had made a better effort to mend our relationship. We missed out on SO much and my kids never got to meet him.
Just a few days after my father passed, I was prompted to write a letter to a dear friend with whom I had had a falling out a couple of years before and we had not spoken since. If nothing else, my father’s death has taught me a huge lesson in forgiveness – something I wish he and I could have learned together, sooner. We lost so much time together and my kids will never know him, but at least I can thank him for the fact that my friend and I have mended our friendship and are once again close.
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Keywords:
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A Hard Lesson Learned *LOAD 2/14*
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UBBCode:
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[img]http://www.houseofpaper.com/custom/photopost/data/529/60A_Hard_Lesson_Learned_LO-med.jpg[/img]
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lindstrom6
Registered: Dec 2005
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 5021
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Heather, I know how hard this must have been to write, but it is a beautiful tribute. I am wiping the tears away. Beautiful.
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Chiara
Registered: Jun 2004
Posts: 8602
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oh this is absolutely wonderful such wonderful journalling
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terra
Registered: Jun 2004
Posts: 3853
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This is so touching. What a beautiful layout.
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kaj
Registered: Apr 2006
Posts: 2167
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Wonderful, wonderful journaling!!!
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Sassywe
Registered: Sep 2004
Location: Nashville, North Carolina
Posts: 2025
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Great LO Heather! The journaling was very touching!
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Berta
Registered: May 2006
Location: Northern California
Posts: 1935
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Now that I can see through the tears, I have to say your story is so awesome and heartbreaking at the same time. Love the photos you included!!
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Dalovely Damanda
Registered: May 2006
Location: Florida
Posts: 4083
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What very touching words, Heather. I'm so sorry about your dad. And I'm sure this was difficult to write. It's a beautiful LO.
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addict
Registered: Feb 2006
Posts: 1448
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Wow, such heartfelt journaling Heather. This is beautiful.
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